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20 May 2016 @ 10:18 pm
Last night, I am rewatching haikei chichiue-sama. This is the first nino drama that I watched. From this drama, all this arashi fandom started. I love to see his acting in this drama. The way he plays he character as an innocent pure lost boy. It is really amazing and cute at the same time. I am melting all the time while watching this.

23 September 2014 @ 12:19 am
Assalamualaikum and hi!

Today is the first day of new semester and yet I dont feel really excited about it. Its like , ooh new semester, same procedure to follow, I have to ajust my timetable since there were a lot of clash, applying coq class at cocu unit and many things to adjust. When I even think about it, it makes me become more lazy and give up to face the reality. and yes i woke up very late eventhough I sleep early. Its like when I open my eyes, I dont want to wake up, I just want to sleep and dreams. But then I remember this quotes,

and yeah.. this quotes help a lot. I wake up, plan my day, organize my task and found out that its not so hard as I thought. So what I learned today is that always plan your day, organize your task. When we do this, it becomes more easier. Your day is full with some activity. Not just sleeping, surfing the internet or browsing the social network. Make every of single day count.
Current Mood: lonelylonely
18 September 2014 @ 01:59 am
Assalamualaikum and hi!
so.. this post were made because I want to write a review about a novel that I just finished read. But because this is a malay novel, so I do not know wheather I have to write in english or malay. Yeah, I know I should write in malay but my penulisan bahasa melayu' is not so good even though I really like malay literature or what we call as sastera. bila baca buku sastera rase macam bapak terror giler penulis nie gambarkan suasana, cerita nie. Haaa. dah cakap kan allia menulis x de seni.

Tajuk novel ni ' Jajahan Bonda' . Kalau ikut allia, allia lagi suka baca novel tentang semangat bangsa, patriotik, nilai kehidupan. senang citer yang real life. kalau citer lovey dovey nie kurang sangat. kalau baca pun mesti bab 1 dengan bab last. hahaha. malas nak tunggu lama2 nak taw ape jadik. Tapi kalau baca novel sastera nie, rasa dia laen. Novel sastera banyak citer pasal suasana. Yang Allia perasan la novel sekarang banyak dialog dari suasana. Bila baca novel sastera nie memang rasa suasana zaman tu, memang rasa kita yang berada di situ. or ape yang penulis describe memang benda yang hari-hari kita pernah jumpa. maklum la allia nie nostalgia sikit orangnyer.

Bagi Allia, permulaan cerita 'jajahan bonda' nie best. Allia suka cara pembawakan suasana oleh penulis. Cara hidup orang kampung, sopan santun penduduknya, budi bahasa, ambil berat antara satu sama laen. Macam tu la suasana duduk di kampung. Cara hidup orang susah yang dibawa oleh watak Mahanum dan Semaun. Memang menyentuh perasaan. Walaupun gaya hidup mereka susah, tapi mereka tabah hadapi dugaan hidup. Hidup mereka walaupun tidak kaya, tapi apa yang ada tu pun dah mencukupi. Semangat Semaun seorang bapa yang mahu majukan kampung 'Jajahan Bonda' dan keluarga. Jarang kita boleh jumpa semangat yang seperti itu di jiwa pemuda-pemuda zaman sekarang.Betapa tabahnya Semaun kerja berat di luar kampung, berpisah dari keluarga untuk menyara anak-anaknya.

Jarang juga kita boleh jumpa pemuda seperti watak kodin dalam novel ni. Seorang pemuda yang mempunya ijazah dalam bidang pertanian, tetapi pilih untuk kerja di kampung untuk majukan kampung atau erti kata laen untuk berkerja sendiri. Kebanyakan graduan zaman sekarang, memilih untuk kerja di bawah syarikat orang, atau kerja di bawah kerajaan demi meraih faedah semata-mata bukannya untuk berkhidmat. Jarang juga pemuda zaman sekarang yang betul-betul berjuang demi bangsa dan negara. Kebanyakan nya berjuang kerana cukai yang tinggi, rasuah, keistimewaan dan sebagainya. Tapi adakah nilai patriotik , sayang pada negara tu benar tersemat di jiwa?  Sebab tu Allia lagi suka baca novel yang berplotkan zaman dahulu, bukan sekarang. Sebab lagi suka perangai, budi bahasa orang dahulu berbanding sekarang.

Tapi penghujung novel ni memang tidak disangka mungkin kerana jalan cerita pada permulaan begitu tenang, aman, tiada konflik. Tetapi ketabahan Mahanum meneruskan hidup memang sangat patut dijadikan contoh. Kadang-kadang dalam hidup, kita tidak boleh nak menjangka apa dugaan yang akan kita hadapi. Tapi bila satu hari nanti ada dugaan yang menimpa , sabar itu perlu, tawakal pada Allah, dan usaha untuk mengharungi dugaan tu. Bak kata mama, susah macam mana pun kena harung.

Kalau nak taw jalan cerita penuh, baca lah novel ni. Banyak pengajaran.
Current Mood: productiveproductive
12 July 2014 @ 04:03 am
Okay. I can't sleep. Well, lately I don't sleep at proper time due to the hectic work and study task. So. here I am.

My third year semester were really hectic with no gap to rest or have fun just for a while. It like every week we have a test, and a quiz, along with project and assignment. Its totally different from second year.Second year usually we have 2 weeks full of test and quiz and at least 1 week we don't have anything to do. But now, its totally different.

Currently right now I am one of the high committee of student body, so its really really really really hard how to manage time in study as well as doing task for that activities. How you want to be a good leader among your members as well as perform in academic matter.

There were many time I cry and feel like I can't make it. Studying in UTP is really hard, especially the course that I am taking. But at the end of the day, I made through it. No matter how bad or good the result was, but I made it. Sometimes there were things that we think that we can not make it, but guess what we made it.

 okay. these things is just random thought I having at such late time like this. Not sure why I am so emotional at this time.
Current Mood: awakeawake
31 July 2013 @ 01:48 am
Assalamualaikum and Hi

Well I just want to share knowledge about what I get from Ustads Nouman Ali Khan lecture. The tittle is the Mercy of Allah

First of all he said about remembrance. Yeah many of us just ignore the knowledge that we already know.Example like if your scroll facebook timeline, then you already see about that knowledge or things for about 100 of times. Then we will get bored of that things and ignore it.
"The idea of remembrance is that you don’t get new information. You are told something that you already knew, but it is reinforced. Our religions teach us even if you not learning something new, you are reminded, it is still beneficial."
So don't ever get tired of it and always remind people about something beneficial because actually remembrance is powerful.
"Its also true in terms of psychological. Example a students have exam on Monday, but on Sunday he is playing video games, so his friends comes and tell him “ man, you have an exam”. He said “ I know, thanks for the reminder” and his stop playing the games and start study for the exams. He knew that there is exam but the reminder helps him anyway. Reminder benefits believers. "

In this lecture, he wants us to understand how Allah introduce himself in the surah Al-Fatihah.

الْحَمْدُ للّهِ رَبِّ الْعَالَمِينَ
.............What is Alhamdulillah means?

It is 2 things, 1 part of it is that you thank Allah. Second part of it is appreciation. Praises is for Allah. Thanks and praise. This is 2 different things.

You can see a beautiful building, and you can praise it, but you will not thank it. You will see amazing athlete, you will praise the athlete but you will not thank the athlete. Sometimes there are opposite cases. There are person you have to thanks, even though you don’t praise them.
Allah azza wajal describes that the muslims have to be thankful to their parents no matter how what even if your parents is musyrik. You have to be grateful to your parents. Even if your parents is syirik and wants you to leave islam, and you still have to grateful to them. Ypu will not praise their syirik, but you have to thank them. Sometimes in life you can have praise without thanks, and sometimes in life you can have thanks without praise.

When we say Alhamdulillah, then we are saying that we praise Allah for whatever his doing. Whatever his doing is great and perfect no complain. And after we praise him , we also thank him that he did it.
There are people sitting outside today, some of you thinks that the air conditioner inside the hall is not enough for you. “ Man is so hot” and the first thing that come to your mind as a muslim is Alhamdulillah its hot. Thanks Allah its hot. And praise Allah its hot. It’s a different way of thinking.
There are other people who believes in God, but what they don’t have is the first thing is Alhamdulillah and some muslims they don’t understand Alhamdulillah.
“ maan, I don’t get paid enough, but whatever, Alhamdulillah” They are not really saying Alhamdulillah. They complaining and say Alhamdulillah.
“ How is it going with your family?” “ naaa.. Alhamdulillah”
That’s not Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah is from the bottom of your heart. You are grateful.
For all the things that is going wrong, you will find there is so many things that is going right.
If you are feeling hot, at least you not feeling sick. There is so many aother things that can be wrong with you.
If your car have air con problems at least your car don’t have big engine problems. There are so many other things that are going right. We are the people of Alhamdulillah means that we are constantly grateful and constantly positive.

...............The Concept
If we understood Alhamdulillah, we will never be depressed. The muslims cannot be depressed. You will find today about the ummah, people complains about the muslims. We complain about the ignorance of the muslims, corruption between the muslims. We complains, complains and complains.
Allah azza wajal Is the one who change our circumstances. All we need to do is turns to him and say Alhamdulillah. We have to be positive. That’s the first things Allah told us about himself.

رَبِّ الْعَالَمِينَ

.............What is rabbil alamin means?
The essence of the word rabb is master. And the opposite of master is slave. If Allah call himself master and he is necessarily call us slave. The summary of entire quran that if you can understand that Allah is the master, and you can accept that you are his slaves, then you can understand the quran.

.............Concept Of Slave
What it is means to be a slave? What it is means to accept Allah as the master? The difference between a free person and a slave is a free person can do whatever they want. They can eat whatever they want, they can look at whatever they want. But a slave before he wants to do anything, he have to ask the master. Every choice you make, we will turn back to the master. Allah call himself master and this is also very powerful. In the word master and in the word slave there is a negative point of view, in humanity there has been slavery, and in slavery people are humiliated. The person who are slave are humiliated and they cannot wait to be free. They want to get rid of the master. Example like slavery in America, the African people are slave to them, cant wait to get free, they don’t have love for their master, they just have hate for their master. They have resentment towards their master. And even If they are free, the slaves still have resentment and hates their master before. So when you think of slavery you don’t think of love. You think of hate. You are not praising your master genuinely  , you don’t want to thank them.

...............Allah as Master
Before Allah calls himself master, Allah says All praises belongs to Him, and All Thanks belongs to him. No other master will have ‘alhamdulillilah’ .There could be other master who have slave, but the slave will not praise him and thank him genuinely. There is no other master who have slave who willingly to become his slave. Slave always come by force. This Master is different . He’s not forced any of you to be his slave. He just said whoever wants to come just come and whoever wants to go just go. It is your choice. What kind of master is this is. Given choice to his slave. And even after he gives choice, the slave tell were ready to be your slave. Because Alhamdulillah hi rabbil alamin. This is the way Allah introducing himself.

الرَّحْمـنِ الرَّحِيمِ

The most difficult part to translate this ayat is the word ar-rahman, the Arabic words, actually means 3 things

Concept of Rahmah
the word ar rahman and ar Rahim has something in common. They have the words rahmah. Rahmah means mercy which not good translation because rahmah includes care, love and consideration.   When women is pregnant, her bally is call rahmah, and why it is called rahmah because her baby is taking care from all of the side, the child is completely take care from all angle.even if her mother has problem, the baby will not know. Allah he describe himself ar ar Rahim, it means that he has cover us entirely with his love, in hi mercy, in his blessings and his care. He is taking care of you and me all the time.

Concept of Ar rahman

  • Extreme

When Allah’s love, and Allah’s care and Allah’s mercy and Allah’s help and its extreme its not normal than you use ar rahman. Its unusually loving. Excessively loving, and excessively care. Then it’s  ar rahman.

  • Happening right now

  • The second that is happening right now.  If somebody is patients, its that means that he is patient right now? No. that’s means that he has the quality of patience and maybe he is angry right now and we don’t even know. You can give somebody a quality but that doesn’t mean that the quality is obvious right now. If I call somebody generous, it’s that means they spending money right now?? No. its just means that he just have that quality. When we call Allah Ar rahman, were not just saying his loving that he is merciful that he is kind, that he is caring. He is saying that he is doing all that right now. It is extreme and happening right now.

  • Not permanent

  • The third meaning is, Arabic words, when someone is extremely loving and merciful you would say rahman. But this is also means something that is not permanent. Is someone thirst permanently? No.is someone hungry permanently? No.  Is somenone angry permanently? Ar rahman actually means Allah is loving you, and he is taking care of you. And he is extremely doing so right now but don’t  think that it is permanent.

Concept of Ar rahim
Ar Rahim has two quality. The two quality of ar Rahim are it is always. It is different from the first one, the first one is temporary and this one is permanent. The second is that it is not necessarily obvious. Its not necessarily happening right now. Ar Rahim is a quality, its not active. Like the previous example. Its there. Example if somebody says that her mother is loving, It doesn't me her mother is loving all the times. It means that she has that quality. That what ar Rahim means.
The beauty of this ayat is the mercy of Allah will be extreme, will be immediate but it will not be permanent.  He said ar Rahim immediately after and he made it permanent. And if he said only ar Rahim then the mercy  will not be extreme and it won’t be immediate. So he put to of them together so that we know that today Allah will take care of me and tomorrow. Today ar rahman, tomorrow ar Rahim.
Ibnu abbas was asked, what is ar rahman and ar Rahim means. Ar rahman is for the people of this world and ar Rahim is for the people of akhirat. It is so powerful because he understand that this world is temporary and the next world is permanent.

Some of you, you have jobs and maybe you’ll get paid on Thursday. You have to go home at 3pm but your boss was stuck at traffic jam and no is 2.30. You need that money to pay all the bills. And you get worried, you friends said don’t worry he will be come, he is dependable. You answer, yeah I know he is dependable , but I hope he is dependable right now. I don’t need the quality inside of him, I need him to be active right now.
Somebody having a hard time and you tell him Allah is merciful. I know, I know Allah is merciful. But I need Allah to be merciful right now. Allah knows when people having a hard time, they don’t care about the future, they care about right now. If you are really hungry right now, and your wife asked you about what should we eat next week. You must don’t care about next week, you just want to eat right now. And the she gives you food and after you full you asked you wife, what should we eat next week. Allah says that he will take care of us now with ar rahman, and I will take care of your future with ar Rahim.

The problems nowadays, some kids saying, some adults saying, “ I know its haram, but Allah is so merciful, Allah has ar rahman, ar Rahim. I know its haram, but come on, he will not punish me for that. Allah describes his merciful and loves in extreme way and some people might take advantage of it.
Example a teacher, of a teacher is too kind to his pupil, a teacher that can be joking with his pupil, some of the students might take advantage of him like doesn’t care what the teacher is asking and saying.
Another example, imagine there is a man that has a slave. He tell his slave that you can do whatever you want , just don’t go on the other side. One day, the slave closes to the border and his fall at the wrong side,he immediately look at the master and apologize. And the master don’t say anything.
The next day he pretend to fall, and apologize, the master don’t even look angry. The slave said this is very good, the master doesn’t say anything. This means its ok. Some muslims says I have some haram substances and no lightning strikes from the sky, it should be ok. Allah is ok with it. Now this slave spend his time on the other side most of the time. After one year, the master call his slave and says, do you remember when I said you cannot go on the other side?. I think I want to punish you. I don’t want to punish you right away. Ive been counting, every time you when go to the other sides, but I will punish you all at the same time. This is the judgment day. The human beings things that you can get away with whatever that you are doing, .
No problem, I bad something bad yesterday, nothing bad comes today, that’s means I can do that again tomorrow. Nothings gonna happen.

مَالِكِ يَوْمِ الدِّينِ

The Concept
But Allah said ‘malikiyaumiddin’, he is the owner of the judgment day, everybody will get what they deserve.
Allah is balance two things. On one hand Allah is extremely loving, extremely merciful and on the other hand, if you take advantage of his love and his mercy and he will judge you to.On judgment day, there are two kinds of people, people who he deeds book were checked,acquainted , audited, and there are people who Allah don’t check his record. He just release them go. Allah describes on the judgment day, there will be people who will be given the books of deeds on the right hand, The guy who given the books on the right hand, he will be release in an easy way. The angel just say, go its okay. But if you get stop by the security of judgment day, and they said lets see your book, and they open it and if you get asked by one questions, the judgment day is bad for you. In judgment day , either we will be under the shade of ar rahman and ar Rahim or we will be under the justice of malikiyaumiddin.  We want Allah not to judge ask, we want Allah to show his mercy.
Don’t think you’ve been forgiven just because you do some good deed. And don’t think Allah will not forgive you. If you made mistake the rest of your life, don’t think that you will get into hell, your not. You are still life. The opportunity is still there. Allah still gives you air to breathe it means that he still allows you to come to him. Everybody is still alive right now, because Allah wants them to make taubah. That’s  a mercy of Allah to them. So you don’t ever think its too late for me or Ive done too many bad things and thinks that Allah will not forgive you. You are not bigger than the mercy of Allah. And at the same time you don’t ever think that even if you do bad things that Allah will be merciful to you.
There are some people who only have one sins,its become a habit to him and he keeps do it over and over. Just one problem they have and they don’t let it go. Allah describes in this quran, the guys who have one sin, who have one problem , who have this one addiction it could be drug, it could be alcohol it could be pornography , could be your anger, and so many other things. We all have some problems.but if you don’t let go that problems that you, you still hold on to that sin, and Allah said that you get wrapped up into that sin
May Allah helps us accept the fact the we are slave and may Allah helps us earn his mercy and his love in this dunya and akhirat

You can listen to the lecture here

08 January 2013 @ 01:21 am
Assalamualaikum and Hi

Sudah menjadi adat bagi students uni nie utk kemas bilik time habis sem jer. 
ehhhh.. ke aku sorang je.. hahaha
x kisah laa.. pape2 pun hari nie bergotong royong berhempas pulas mengemaskan bilik
walau badai mendatang, taufan menimpa kena kemaskan bilik jugak
haammboooi mcm gitu sekali kan.. mcam gi perang
perang dengan rasa malas nie.. 

bila time kemaskan bilik tu, suddenly
look what Ive found.


name tag time MAS dulu..

fyi laaa you all yg bukan student utp, MAS nie ialah minggu aluan siswa dekat utp
alaaaa, macam minggu orientasi..

kalau tanya mana2 student utp nie, most of them mmg x suke minggu mas nie..
tension, ngantuk, asyik kena marah, pressure kot.
bagi aku....................
aku pun x suka jugak.. 

time minggu MAS nie, should be smua bnda kena punctual..
tapi masa yg dye bagi tu sekejap sngt.
cth klau antara masa mandi dn maghrib dgn event sterusnya, skejap sngt..
so, aku yg skema , lurus bendul lagi tulus ini..
memang takut sangat kalau lambat, so aku sangat rushing time minggu mas tu..
dan aku mmg x kan tunggu orang
sebab tu laa, aku x de kawan time MAS tu kot..

biasalaah perempuan.. 
aku memang x faham betul. walaupun aku perempuan jugak
why you take so long  just to have a shower and prepare yourself??
I mean, mandi, pakai baju, pakai tudung .
DAAAH. thats it. 
so, aku mmg x kan tunggu org sebab mmg takut gile kalau x punctual
nak buat mcam mana, tahap skema masih tinggi masa tu,

and then type soalan yg kau akan biasa dgr, and biasa org tanye kat kau ialah
nama siapa?
dari mana?
amik course ape?
memang minat ke course nie?
baru kenal laa katakan...
kalau jmpe sme course, pakat jlan rmai2, mcam satu geng laa konon

and then, minggu MAS nie mmg femes dgn satu gimik nie.
tapi x nak laa bgtahu, x best la pulak kan. kena rasa dulu...

tapi ade satu bnda yg lawak nie, 
masa tu attire utk satu event nie, smart casual..
nak kata tahap bangang dulu, mmg x taw smart casual nie mcam mana
ak dgn kwan2 ak nie, semangat balik bilik tukar bju sukan,
sekali masuk, smua org pakai baju biasa je, baju kurung pn ade,
so, pngajaranya, pape pun.. rujuk laa facee.
akak2 dgn abang2 facee nie baik2 jer.

time minggu MAS nie mmg selalu jer kena marah..
lama plak tu.. sebab2 bangang yg x munasabah pulak tu kena marah
kena tahan x boleh balik bilik smpai lewat malam
pastu esok bangun awal pagi giler
so, sebab tu ramai yg x suke minngu MAS nie..

ade plak satu slot nie, kena sembur ramai2 ...
nie pun x taw la seronok ke x...

and the most important are masa minggu nie sangat2 laa homesick!!
rindu mama abah atuk nenek kucing kerusi tv batu depan rumah semua
semua rindu!!

so, inilah pengalaman masa minggu MAS sye.
apa yg aku boleh nasihatkan..
respect facee, be punctual, jgn mandi lama sngt, siap cepat sikit, prepare mentally
jaga adab, you are no longer in secondary school. you are a university student.
06 January 2013 @ 11:06 am
Assalamualaikum and hI

He is unexpected in so many ways. Sometimes he treat me better, sometimes he doesn't care about me
kadang2 manja, kadang2 moody..
But no matter how the way he treat me, I know he loves me sincerely.
and that why he ask me not to meet him anymore.

He said if you believe me, believe that I really love you , believe that I won't cheat on you.
then you don't have to worry other things.
He said that " I want to be a better person for you"
so, no need for us to constantly meet. take care of our relationship
InsyaAllah, if we take care our relationship with Allah, Allah will take care ours.

At first, I cant accept the fact that we wont meet anymore.
I don't know if I able not to see him anymore.
But when I think back, why do I have to worry and scared to do good things.
Leaves all to Allah
Allah will help us.

And last night, he gives me this song.
He ask me to listen to the lyrics,


I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with every day
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
05 January 2013 @ 11:30 am

x excited pun, pura2 excited jer...
tetiba rasa nak bukak livejournal and bila baca balik journal aku like
" OMGG!! Why am I so miserable?? "

mungkin keinginan aku untuk mengupdate journal hanya di waktu aku sedih , down, meroyan smua.
tapi hidup aku x de la sedih miserable macam sinetron bawang putih bawang merah tu.
I mean, aku x de laa buat bodoh bila orang buat aku kan..  #EHHHH

bila orang yg x rajin update journal nie. bila time nak update rase banyak pulak laa kan nak bgtahu
and last2 rase mcam x yah bagitahu laaa.. malas aku nak type pnjang2
(macam skang ni)

so this post Ive created just want to tell you than Im still alives
still exist in livejournal.
03 August 2012 @ 11:40 pm
Semua orang balik rupanya.,,
rupanya aku sorang jer kat sini..
ak x perasan pun..
mula-mula, dia sent mesej, balik pkul 9 pagi nie.
ok, aku reda. takkan aku nak halang.
alasan, nak teman mama pergi beli baju raya,,
aku hanya mampu simpan prasaan sedih nie...
and then, pe'ah lak cakap.
die kena balik jugak. mak dia sruh. 
aku faham, mak pe'ah memang laen macam sikit
dan pe'ah memang bukan jenis yang lawan cakap mak.
aku sedih, tapi hanya mampu tahan rasa sedih aku,
aku ingat last sekali tinggal aku dgn roomate aku jer.
tiba-tiba time maghrib tadi.roomate aku tanya.
"kenapa kau x balik ea? sebab ak ade program laen weekend nie . balik ahad."
ok. ak fikir ak x balik, sebab aku kesian lak nak tinggalkan dia sorang2
rupa-rupanya aku yang ditinggalkan.
mungkin korang pelik, kenapa laa nak sedih2, 
aku tak suka kena tinggal, aku x suka keseorangan, x suka rasa sunyi,
itu laaah aku. and now aku ditinggalkan.
orang fikir aku tabah, parents aku fikir aku kisah,
ak kisah. aku nak balik. aku x suka tinggal sorang.
dan tak de sape yang faham benda tu.


02 August 2012 @ 10:45 am

1st august 2012

ade ode test smalam. chapter 3 jer masuk. tapi panjang giler slide. and memang x smpat study satu bab nie. cauchler equation.
salah aku jugak, sebab study last minute. tapi memang minggu before nie pun busy. x sempat nak curik masa study sikit. 
tapi terasa yakin sebab rasa dah faham betul2 dah, but at last, bila jawab ode smalam.. PFFTTTT...
bengang pun ade gak. sebab dah spent lama kat bab tu, at last x leh jawab. tu yg down. lagi2 bila habis test, sumer orang mcm confidence bleh jwb.
and balik2 jer, dapat mesej. 
" lepas maghrib nie, terus balik"
sedih sangat kot. semalam tanya, x balik minggu nie. bukan apee, sebab minggu nie rasa mcam sumer orang balik. rasanya kat rumah nie tinggal aku dan housemate aku jer. at least bila dgr dye x balik, rasa mcam ok skit kot.
walaupun bukannya boleh jumpa pun. tapi rasa macam ade jugak orang x balik.
apa lagi.. semalam sedih, down, nangis x tentu pasal, rasa nak balik jugak. tapi x de duit. haissshhh..
then pagi tadi, mesej tanya dia, dah sampai x?
rupanya dye tak balik. kata x jadik balik. bila tanya kenapa, x reply2. x kan la pasal aku. x mungkin 
orang bukan sruh x yah balik atau ape. just sedih jer. slalu miscomm mesej ak.
and it makes me feel guilty.